Amber Armour raped

The website Black Girl With Long Hair published on January 8, 2016 an article on the rape of Amber Amour, a 27-year-old African-American activist whose work centers on creating a culture of sexual consent and empowering sexual assault victims to report their assaults.

Right after being raped in South Africa where she took her “Stop rape, Educate” tour, she posted a picture of herself on her Instagram account (the picture illustrating this article) with a graphic description of what happened to her.

Capture d’écran 2016-01-11 à 14.42.35

After reading the description, the first thing that came to my mind was “Is she crazy? She got what she asked for! How could she take a shower with a man and expect him to behave? She definitely knew what the guy was up to… and she was up for it too”. The young woman was to be blamed to me. She accepted the invitation of taking a shower with the guy and said “NO” when he tried to take the obvious step forward.

Then I continue reading the article, being on the side of those blaming Amber, especially those saying she put herself in a position to be raped to promote her cause. Then I read this :

Capture d’écran 2016-01-11 à 15.52.13

I realized how wrong I was. The word CHOICE did not even cross my mind, the fact that she is the one to decide what she wants and what she does not want for herself, who she wants to have sex with and, most importantly, WHEN! The saddest thing is if I were in her shoes, I would have blamed myself for what happened, I would have told myself it was entirely my fault and I should have said YES since I went that far. And I would have remained silent.

I realized I never thought men should behave around women, but rather the contrary: a woman should not give the impression she is easy to get. She should not smile too much or be too friendly or get too close to a man. She should not ignite any sexual desire. Anything that may happen would happen because she did something that meant YES. Something. Anything.

How is it that the rapist is the victim? How is it that we unconsciously bear with him because he has been “tempted” and reacted to that temptation? How is it that the woman I am is ready to take the blame for being sexually assaulted? How many women and young girls keep quiet about being raped because they are convinced they asked for it some way or the other? As stated in the article, “The discussion around Amour’s story suggests that many believe certain situations JUSTIFY rape and there is a point beyond which men cannot control themselves, and will have no choice but to rape. Thus the victim, and not the rapist, is held accountable for her assault”.

I think this article is food for thought. I do not know much about Amber or her work as an activist, but I admire her: despite what happened and the trauma she went through, she is still fighting for the right to say NO any time, anywhere.

Amber

  • Befoune

    Befoune is the Founder and Editor in Chief of Elle Citoyenne. She is passionate with Citizen Participation, especially at the social level.

  • Show Comments (8)

  • Łëšş īś møře (@lucxsam)

    You are drunk, we just kissed i know you MIGHT want to have sex… I don’t wanna have sex but well let’s just go and find ourserlves naked under the shower…

  • Łëšş īś møře (@lucxsam)

    Fact: There are some types of situations in which some men can not or would not contain themselves, and will not be able to notice that what they will be doing amount to RAPE.

    What type of men ? what type of situation? for those of you ( girls) who can answer , you are very lucky.but for those of you who do not have any clue, I would advise you to behave , and cautiously select the type of situation in which you will find yourself with wome type of men or men in general.

    This world has not become a paradise in which every men and women act righteously .

    Final word: RAPE IS A CRIME and should be treated as such by EVERYBODY,the raped included.

  • Elle Citoyenne
    Elle

    As usual, we find excuses, reasons to pin it on the woman. ‘You shouldn’t have gone there’, ‘You wore a mini skirt. You asked for it’ etc. It’s appalling.

    It’s a matter of choices. ‘Yes I wanna have sex’ or ‘No I don’t wanna have sex’.

    I HAAVE NOTHING TO ADD TO THIS.

    • younkcha

      Toujours la a dire “Elle l a provoque avec sa mini jupe” “pourquoi l a t Elle embrasse?” Etc. J aime ce qui est court si c est si Indecent pourquoi en fabrique t on? Portez plainte aux fabriquants…Elle l emvrasse parce qu Elle a envie d un vaiser pas d etre cooler…Le VIOL EST UN CRIME.

  • Ms. Braso (@NJBraso)

    This is a case of “when victims become culprits”
    Amber indeed consented to the shower but not to the forceful sex.
    My first reaction was “why the hell will you get into a shower with a stranger? You could have just waited your turn.”

    Then my second reaction was “the fact that she got into the shower with you does not consent sex.”
    Amber made a bad choice getting into the shower with a guy who made a pass on her the minute she got to the party especially when he was intoxicated and violent.
    He also did not have any right to rape her.

    This topic about “when victims become culprits” has been discussed over and over with a male friend of mine and he told me that before a man forces himself on you, He has actually thought about it and fantasied about her. He has put you in the “I wanna f*** you category” so no matter what you do, when he has a chance, he will have his way with you.Whether consensual or not. He will misinterpret your innocent smiles as flirtatious, your melodious laughter as “Come get me”. Anything you do will seem sexual to him.

    So when Amber said “yes” to the shower, in his mind, he heard “yes! You can have sex with me now.” This is how sick the human brain is. We are sick!We will interpret anything anyhow we want to. So this guy had already planned it out and Amber fell into the trap.

    Amber should not let this lie. Women should not let this lie.The world should not let this lie. This guy should be where he is and that is imprisoned.

    A similar situation happened in Ghana where a female radio Presenter took photos of herself naked with her rapists claiming she had been kidnapped and raped. I made so much noise about how wicked people are only to find out it was untrue so you should understand why there is such controversy around this story.

    Also, this should not encourage girls to get into cars with a man they do not know or move around naked because most people will see it as an invitation. This is sad but true. Our society sees nude photos of girls on social media and they are immediately classified as a “whore” so should this happen to you, you will be seen as the one who asked for it. We are bent on stifling women and finding faults with women always.

    What a messed up world we live in.

  • L’Afro

    “I realized how wrong I was. The word CHOICE did not even cross my mind, the fact that she is the one to decide what she wants and what she does not want for herself, who she wants to have sex with and, most importantly, WHEN!” Ce post montre bien combien les discriminations et le sexisme façonnent nos manières de penser, même lorsqu’on est des femmes. C’est bien de l’écrire et de le reconnaître

    • Elle Citoyenne
      Elle

      C’est très triste que ces sujets soient si tabou, L’Afro. Ce qui est encore plus triste c’est le fait que de nombreuses femmes sont violées et n’en parlent pas parce qu’elles SAVENT qu’elles seront sur le banc des accusés.

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